By Patrice Sais
The Centennialight
Every year my family and I gather at my Auntie's house for Christmas. Staring around the table, it makes me sad to see my family age. When I was younger, aging was a positive thing. Everyone my age wanted to be older. We all looked forward to Christmas every year, hoping Christmas dinner would speed by so we could open presents.
But my perception of aging has changed now that I’ve developed the realization that I'm not a kid anymore. I didn't realize that the Christmas magic was disappearing, but I notice its absence. These days, I don't want Christmas to speed by and I don't want the coolest gift… I want time. But time is limited and that’s why Christmas closing out every year is a reminder of being closer to death.
It's strange to experience aging and the issues that come with it. Sitting at Christmas dinner looking around I notice small things such as, grandma getting gray hair and uncle with some wrinkles. I notice the energy levels feeling lower, and the lack of physical abilities with my elderly family.
It makes me feel sad to see limitations set for them because it reminds me that family won’t live forever and eventually one Christmas dinner they won't be there to celebrate. Many generations celebrated Christmas at my auntie's. Without my parents, I take on the role of the older generation and it's a scary thought that new traditions might start. Luckily, I’ll never forget my grandma's recipe for making tamales and making them with her every Christmas.
Christmas is like an annual check-up. People you don’t get to see every year are greeting you with smiles and hugs. Nothing beats the feeling of Christmas night coming to an end. The guilt of knowing you may not see them for a while makes Christmas a bittersweet holiday.